A Year Ago

DSC08799A year ago today we were downtown at Boston Children’s Hospital, handing our sweet little man over to our medical team for his bilateral Symes amputation and sitting for hours in the waiting room by a window. I chose that window on purpose. It was an awareness that there was life outside. People were going about their ways, living. We were surrounded by my mom and dad and our community of dear friends, our pastor and new friends who were stopping by and they floated us through, the tangible grace of our Lord. 

Today my little warrior and I celebrated by going to the park. He brought his pull along dog toy and ran, slid, climbed his way into bliss. As a momma, I preferred today over last year clearly. I would have done anything for a glimpse of today, one year ago, as I sat there, hoping all was going to be okay, wondering how he was going to process the loss of part of him and the gain of something entirely foreign. Last month he got his second set of legs. He LOVES them. He shows them off to strangers, lifting up his pant legs and saying, “ha ha ha.” Clearly that’s what friendly monsters say. And all is well. DSC08775

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Arthur our prosthetist warned us the 2nd go around was never as easy as the first when it came to prosthetic fittings. Boy was he right! Bless Arthur’s heart as he patiently endured baby sobs while trying to make perfect little leg casts so we could gain cute little monster legs. We ultimately let Cade decide which material he wanted for his new legs. He walked over to the samples and pointed at his monster PJs saying, “Ha ha ha.” That sealed that deal. Monsters it was. And it kind of epitomizes this stage of toddlerhood to a T. My little friendly monster baby.DSC08802

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DSC08835I can’t help but reminisce these last few weeks. At 37 weeks, closing in on 38 weeks pregnant, I’m often overcome with, “how the heck am I going to do this?” moments. I look at Cade, my sweet babe, and wonder how you love another? How you nurture his heart while keeping another alive? People clearly do it. I long for another crystal ball glimpse of a year from now, wondering where we will be. I trust that all will be well because although we walk many hard roads in life, we are never alone, never without grace, unending never ceasing, grace. We get to the mountain tops only to see a vast range of mountains. But having made the ascent we are stronger, better equipped to tackle the climb when called to. Thank you for walking this year with us. You are grace to our hearts.DSC08848

Lamentations 3: 21-24 “But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies are new every morning; great is His faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.”

9 comments

  • Michelle Kleker

    Jackie,
    Your words melt my heart…… I am a very proud mom and grandma. I love you and could not be more proud if you all. Mom Michelle

  • Patti Reiser

    Beautifully written Jackie… As always.

  • Mark Ford

    Jackie, that was absolutely beautiful! Thank You so much for sharing your triumphs and life!

    Isa 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

  • Dana Clickenger

    I don’t know you but I know the family very well. Your story is one of strength, hope, love and courage. I will share it many times with those that need to hear it.

  • Sheila Parodi

    This made my day, beautifully written of the love around this beautiful little boy, he is so
    lucky to have such loving parents and loving family. Congrats on the birth of your child, little Cade will be a loving big brother. He totally melts my heart, thank you Jackie.

  • How sweet are your momma words!!! I love your heart, dear Jackie, for your children (blessed ones they surely are!), your family, others and most importantly, our Sweet Lord! You are a treasure!

  • Nancy Brown

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts on your trust in the Lord even when you could only hope for a good outcome.
    What a beautiful, precious little boy you have!
    May God continue to bless you and your family!

  • Wendy Kleker

    I love this Jackie! The way you write is beautiful! And I love the verse you chose. One of my favorites. It is the answer. The answer to this difficult walk with God we have and the answer to your questions. Yes all will be well. Yes it will go good for you. Because you trust in a Good God! He loves you beyond anything you can imagine and He wants only good for you. Not necessarily easy but good. He will work it all out. You will let Him because you lean on Him. Jesus always makes the climb at your side! Right? I know you have not walked an easy path and I wish I could tell you there will be no more tough paths ahead, but of course I can’t. Your climb has made you strong, like you said, and you will be able to make any other climbs that come in your life. Why? Because you are faithful, you trust and lean on a great God. And He is trustworthy.

  • Wendy Kleker

    Oh I forgot—Congratulations!

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