A Year Ago
A year ago today we were downtown at Boston Children’s Hospital, handing our sweet little man over to our medical team for his bilateral Symes amputation and sitting for hours in the waiting room by a window. I chose that window on purpose. It was an awareness that there was life outside. People were going about their ways, living. We were surrounded by my mom and dad and our community of dear friends, our pastor and new friends who were stopping by and they floated us through, the tangible grace of our Lord.
Today my little warrior and I celebrated by going to the park. He brought his pull along dog toy and ran, slid, climbed his way into bliss. As a momma, I preferred today over last year clearly. I would have done anything for a glimpse of today, one year ago, as I sat there, hoping all was going to be okay, wondering how he was going to process the loss of part of him and the gain of something entirely foreign. Last month he got his second set of legs. He LOVES them. He shows them off to strangers, lifting up his pant legs and saying, “ha ha ha.” Clearly that’s what friendly monsters say. And all is well.
Arthur our prosthetist warned us the 2nd go around was never as easy as the first when it came to prosthetic fittings. Boy was he right! Bless Arthur’s heart as he patiently endured baby sobs while trying to make perfect little leg casts so we could gain cute little monster legs. We ultimately let Cade decide which material he wanted for his new legs. He walked over to the samples and pointed at his monster PJs saying, “Ha ha ha.” That sealed that deal. Monsters it was. And it kind of epitomizes this stage of toddlerhood to a T. My little friendly monster baby.
I can’t help but reminisce these last few weeks. At 37 weeks, closing in on 38 weeks pregnant, I’m often overcome with, “how the heck am I going to do this?” moments. I look at Cade, my sweet babe, and wonder how you love another? How you nurture his heart while keeping another alive? People clearly do it. I long for another crystal ball glimpse of a year from now, wondering where we will be. I trust that all will be well because although we walk many hard roads in life, we are never alone, never without grace, unending never ceasing, grace. We get to the mountain tops only to see a vast range of mountains. But having made the ascent we are stronger, better equipped to tackle the climb when called to. Thank you for walking this year with us. You are grace to our hearts.
Lamentations 3: 21-24 “But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies are new every morning; great is His faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.”